Tuesday, March 20, 2012

It's Getting Hot in Here

I've never had a guest blogger on the site.  Mostly that's because I don't like people very much- a lot of them are stupid and the rest of them generally suck.

One of the few exceptions  to my "People are stupid and/or suck" rule sent me this today:

Perhaps you could write a post about how it is NOT badass to show your bad ass - cheeks AND crack - just because the weather seems to suggest short shorts. Furthermore, if you are David Beckham, feel free to take off your shirt and walk around downtown. Otherwise, KEEP IT ON! 

See, it's gotten unseasonably warm, unreasonably early and that has brought our lumpy, pasty  New England bodies out of the fleece-and-wool cocoon in which we usually encase ourselves until at least May or June.  This is the time of year where most of us go "Oh hell.  I'd better start going to the gym or cutting back on the damn Girl Scout cookies 'cause I'm going to have to put on shorts in 6 weeks."  

Except we didn't get the 6 weeks we were hoping for and that we so desperately needed.

So, some of us have chosen to squeeze our March bodies (flabby, pasty, not-ready-to-see-the-sun) into our June clothing.  As a result, some of us need to rethink our June clothing choices, 'cause this look:

only works if you're young/hot enough to actually be in a music video. And it only works DURING the video.  Not down at the Piggly-Wiggly.  Not at the drugstore.  Not (for the love of god) in the pick-up line at school.  

Look, I'm not one to get too tied up in the body-image thing.  I think PhotoShop should be freaking outlawed and I've worked long and hard to love my body just the way it is.  But part of that lovin' is about knowing what I really look like and how to show it off to its best advantage.  So unless your highest aspiration is to end up on People of Wal-Mart?  Put some damn clothes on.

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